Love And Loss
by VanInBlack
Summary: They found comfort and companionship in each other, until she goes out and betrays his trust... Written in response to the mini-challenge about "JJ's departure" on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner".
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: This is my response to the "JJ's departure" challenge on Chit Chat On Author's Corner. **_

_**Disclaimer: Same as usual, I don't own anything...**_

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**Love And Loss**

Chapter 1

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She woke up more relaxed than she had been in quite a while. Her whole body was still humming from the heated passion she had shared last night with the man, whose arms were currently wrapped around her, keeping her close to his warm figure. Smiling to herself, she felt genuinely happy for the first time in years.

They were secretly sharing a bed for five months now, having agreed on nothing but a casual affair in the beginning, but were gradually growing closer without redefining their relationship so far.

They felt comfortable with each other, outside of work, which was still a surprise considering the fact that they had spent the better part of the twenty-something years they had been knowing each other making each other's lives as miserable as possible.

But on this bright and sunny Saturday morning, lying safely in David Rossi's arms, Erin Strauss realized that she might just be a little bit in love again.

Feeling him stir underneath her, she raised her head to see him slowly opening his eyes, blinking the sleep away, a gentle smile forming on his face.

"Good morning, " she whispered, brushing a small kiss against his lips.

"Morning," his sleepy murmur came promptly.

He made no attempts of releasing her from his embrace, so she snuggled her head back against his bare chest, trailing her fingers softly through its hair.

She loved those lazy mornings, when he kept work and the rest of the world at bay for her, letting them both enjoy the peace and quiet of the sanctuary he called his home outside the city. Usually, they faded into another session of slow love-making before getting ready for the day.

Today they simply confined themselves to a number of intense, yet gentle kisses, because they were still a bit sore from the previous night.

Getting up about fifteen minutes later, Dave pressed a soft kiss against her temple and muttered: "Go have a shower, I'll cook breakfast."

He always did that on the weekends, and for Erin it was one of the reasons why she was falling for him so hard. Her ex-husband had never done that. In fact, he had not lifted a finger in the household, making Erin feel like she had two full-time jobs, one with the FBI and one at home.

After a quick shower, she got dressed and went down to join him in the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Thank you so much for all the kind reviews so far! You guys are so wonderfully encouraging! I appreciate it very much!**_

_**Here's the next chapter.**_

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**_**Love And Loss  
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Chapter 2

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Dave was whistling cheerily as he scrambled eggs and made a few pancakes. Erin loved them, together with his homemade cherry sauce, and he kept thinking that he could get used to cooking for her a lot more often.

He wasn't quite sure what it was that they were sharing. An affair? A relationship? If he was honest with himself, he didn't want to define it yet. He felt content, happy actually, but after everything he had been through with his previous wives and women, and with Erin, too, he had no interest in making a permanent commitment. Not yet anyway.

Of course they'd agreed on exclusivity when they started seeing each other, and he wasn't blind to the fact that they had grown considerably closer within the last months. It was not only bed anymore that they were sharing, but also other aspects of their lives. And it felt good. Probably because they didn't have the pressure of keeping a relationship working, as it was all still rather causally.

But he was nowhere near ready to give up his independence, nor was he ready to admit that he and Erin Strauss were and item.

Nobody knew they were together, he hadn't even told Hotch, and the man was his best friend and had practically known of every woman in his life in the past fifteen years.

Hotch had never judged him for anything, but this time, Dave was not so sure if his friend would be so understanding. Not with everything Erin had done and tried to do to him and his career. Dave knew he would have to tell Aaron eventually, he already felt his guilty conscience nagging at him for not having done it yet, but he kept pushing the thought away.

Hearing the buzzing sound of his vibrating cell phone on the kitchen table, he groaned inwardly. They better not be calling him in on an urgent case, he thought grimly, picking up the phone and looking at the caller ID. Hotch. As if his thoughts about him had prompted the call.

Assuming his relaxing weekend to be cut short, he snapped the phone open and greeted his friend not entirely friendly, letting him know that his disturbance on a perfectly quiet and beautiful Saturday morning was anything but appreciated.

"Hotch, what's up?"

"Relax, Dave," Aaron replied, chuckling. "I'm not interrupting your free weekend."

"Yes, you do," Dave growled.

"Wow, you're in a good mood," Aaron snorted sarcastically. "Did your secret woman fail to make you happy last night?"

Dave rolled his eyes. He should have known that Hotch would already have noticed his change in demeanor over the last months. He felt more lighthearted and relaxed after a night or a weekend with Erin, usually arriving at work in a far better mood then he ever had since his return to the Bureau.

"I was happy until you called," Dave retorted, and had to smirk. Bickering with Hotch was always amusing, and he was glad to know the younger man wouldn't take offense in his sometimes rude comments. Sighing deeply, he continued in a kinder tone: "What do you want, Aaron? And please don't tell me we have a case."

"No, nothing like that. I need a favor," Hotch replied, clearing his throat. "You know it's JJ's birthday tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah," Dave answered shortly, not sure if he was going to like what he was about to hear.

"Yeah, well, I've made plans to take her out, fancy restaurant and theater, you know."

"And?"

"And my ex-mother-in-law broke her leg yesterday and Jessica's gone visiting her, and Will's working a weekend shift," Hotch explained.

"So you need a babysitter for Jack and Henry?" Dave stated, mentally groaning. He'd wanted to ask Erin to stay until Monday morning, but he couldn't take the boys while she was with him. They would rat them out within seconds.

"Please say yes," Aaron begged. "I don't want to ask Prentiss or Morgan, you know as well as I do how much they need their weekend off after the last couple of days. Garcia would be happy to help us out, but she's away with Kevin somewhere, don't make me repeat what she said. And Reid, well, you know..."

"Fine," Dave gave in. He would have to end his weekend with Erin early then. "For how long?"

"We have reservations for six, and the play starts at eight, let's see, until eleven at the latest, I guess."

"All right. I'll be at your place at 5.30. Is that okay?"

"That's perfect. Thanks, Dave, you're a lifesaver," Aaron answered relieved.

"Let's just say that you and JJ owe me, okay?"

"Anything you want, Dave."

Ending the call, Dave quickly finished frying his pancakes and set the dishes.

Little did he know that his conversation with his friend had been overheard.


	3. Chapter 3

**Love And Loss **

Chapter 3

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On Monday morning, Hotch had just gathered the team for their daily meeting in the conference room, a sharp, short knock was heard on the door and Erin Strauss stuck her head in. Wearing her work-usual, stone-cold and arrogant expression, she didn't bother to greet them.

"Agent Jareau, for a word, please?" Her commanding and slightly impatient tone smelled like trouble.

"I'm sorry, Chief Strauss, but we're in a meeting," Hotch told her bluntly.

"This won't take long, Agent Hotchner," Strauss replied coldly. "Agent Jareau?"

JJ got up, visibly uncomfortable, and shot Hotch an questioning glance, before she followed her outside.

Dave, who had tried to make eye-contact with Erin, but had been ignored by her completely, furrowed his brows in confusion. The fact that she couldn't even look him in the eye made it very clear to him that whatever it was she wanted from JJ, he wouldn't like it, and neither would the rest of the team.

"Does anybody know what's going on?" Reid asked.

Everybody shook their heads.

"Looks like she's on the warpath again," Morgan commented, shaking his head.

They started the meeting without JJ, dividing a few case files for consults between them and discussed the more urgent ones briefly before she came back.

Twenty minutes later, JJ walked back in, pale-faced and obviously in shock.

"JJ!" Emily exclaimed. "Are you all right? What's the matter?"

They all turned concerned faces to their blonde colleague, who didn't seem to be able to say a word at the moment.

"Jayje, what happened?" Garcia asked worriedly.

Pulling out the free chair next to him, Dave helped JJ sit down, anger slowly starting to seethe in his stomach. Judging from the way JJ looked, he had a distinct feeling that Erin must have done something incredibly aggravating, and he almost dreaded to find out.

JJ shook her head in disbelief, staring into space, as she muttered barely audible: "She fired me from the team."

"What?" Morgan yelled. Clearly he must have heard her wrong, they all must have.

Looking at her, dumbfounded, as if JJ had just spoken Chinese, they waited for her to repeat it.

"She can't do this, can she?" Garcia asked desperately when JJ didn't continue.

"She can, and she did," JJ answered, trying to gather herself, pushing back the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. She didn't want to cry in front of them, not right now.

"Well, actually, she transferred me. To the Baltimore field office."

"But why?"

JJ turned her head to Hotch, and he immediately knew.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he couldn't believe this was happening. How did she find out about him and JJ? They were careful, always remained a professional distance at work, drove to the office in two cars. No one outside the team knew about their relationship.

Prentiss, who was interpreting the exchange between the Unit Chief and her best friend correctly, burst out: "Are you serious? She transferred you because you two are together?"

JJ nodded.

"We knew this could be happening...," Hotch muttered to himself, but didn't finish the sentence. Of course, he and JJ had talked about letting Strauss know, about making it official, they knew about the rules and regulations in the Bureau that forbid a senior agent to date a subordinate, but they'd wanted to tighten their relationship first before taking that step.

"Technically she's right," JJ stated, not knowing what else to say. She was slowly beginning to make sense of the last half hour.

"That's bullshit!" Morgan shouted.

"You know it's not, Derek," JJ answered softly, failing at the attempt of giving him a smile.

"How did she find out about you?" Emily wanted to know. "I mean, except for us, nobody knew. You never did anything to indicate to anyone that you could possibly be more than just colleagues and friends."

"I don't know," JJ shrugged. "She wouldn't say. She just told me something like it had come to her knowledge over the weekend that Aaron and I were violating Bureau regulations that require me to transfer immediately."

Dave, who had been rather silent in the past minutes, trying to process what he had just heard, now flinched visibly and let out a violent curse: "That fucking bitch!"

"Dave!" Hotch admonished him.

"No, Aaron." Dave returned and jumped up. "She's not getting away with this!"

"Dave, stop it," Hotch tried again. "We need to stay calm if we want to get at something. I'll go and talk to her. This is between me, JJ and her. We should have gone to her much sooner anyway."

"The hell you will, Aaron! I'm going to tell her exactly where she can put that asinine idea!"

Without a look back and before Hotch could stop him, Dave was out of the room, storming towards Erin Strauss' office.


	4. Chapter 4

**Love And Loss**

Chapter 4

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Dave felt like crying. If he hadn't been a strong, Italian alpha-male with a reputation as big as Texas and an ego as big as the whole United States he would probably let the tears run freely, but a man like him didn't cry, especially not in front of an audience.

He should have known. He should have known that Erin Strauss could not be trusted.

Never before, not even with his ex-wives, had he felt so betrayed. Over the weekend! This could only mean she'd heard his phone conversation with Hotch and drew her own conclusions. And instead of talking to him, she'd done what she always did: Use the information to her own advantage, to inflict the biggest possible harm on Hotch and his team.

But she would not get away with this. Not this time.

Brushing past her assistant, who jumped up from her desk and tried her best to stop him from entering her boss's office, he yanked the door open and stomped inside.

"David-"

"You've gone too far this time, Erin," he shouted furiously. "Of all the things you've done, I never would have thought you could deceive me in such a way!"

Erin held his violent gaze, and tried to stay calm and focused.

"Why don't you sit down so we can talk?"

"I don't know what's there to talk about. You betrayed me, and you betrayed my team! But the last word's not been spoken on this! You're going to regret this!" Dave fumed.

His not so subtle threat didn't miss its intended effect. Erin sank back in her chair, trying desperately to keep her cold, arrogant mask in place. Looking into his eyes, she noticed the hurt and disappointment in addition to his anger.

She knew she had screwed up. She had already known before she talked to JJ that he wouldn't take this lightly, but if she was honest with herself, she had underestimated his reaction. She would not have expected it to be that furious. And for the first time in her life, she really wished she had handled things differently, she wished she would have been the person David Rossi seemed to bring out when they were alone.

"David, let me explain, please!" She made an attempt to get him to listen to her.

"What's there to explain? You used me! You used me to get information about my team. I knew you'd do a lot of things to destroy us, but I honestly didn't think you'd play me like that. Tell me, was there anything real about it when you were with me? What else did you steal while you were at my house?" Dave kept yelling at her.

"It's not like that- " Erin tried to defend herself.

"The hell it isn't! Did you at least have fun while you fucked me?"

"David, please-" She began again, but was cut short by Hotch appearing in her office.

Having heard Dave's last sentences, he stared at him in obvious shock about the revelation, but caught himself quickly.

"Chief Strauss, I believe there is something we need to talk about," he stated.

"Of course, Agent Hotchner. Have a seat."

"Dave, would you please leave us alone?" Hotch said to Dave, who shook his head.

"I'm not leaving until I get some answers."

"Why don't you sit down, too?" Erin said, and turning to her assistant who was fearfully peaking into the room, she added: "Gina, close the door please, will you?"

It took another long, dark glare from Hotch to get Dave to sit down as well.

Hotch was the one who started then.

"Chief Strauss. Is this really necessary? Agent Jareau has always been an impeccable agent. Losing her would be a great disadvantage for the team."

"I'm afraid it is, Agent Hotchner. Although, you should rather see this as a promotion for her. She's going to have a lot more responsibilities in Baltimore. But these rules that you've decided to ignore are there for a reason."

"Come on, Erin, you can't seriously insist on abiding by the same rules you are violating as well. We all know you're just looking for an excuse to break up the team. Why don't you just do us all a favor and at least admit it?" Dave threw in.

"Agent Rossi!"

"Really Erin," Dave continued, ignoring her exclaim, putting a distinctive, hateful emphasis on her first name. "You're the biggest goddamn hypocrite I've ever met. What do you call what we did? Oh, I forgot, being Erin Strauss must mean those rules don't apply to you."

"Dave, it's enough," Hotch hissed angrily. He knew Dave was right, and he wanted nothing more than to slap Strauss' face, too, but they wouldn't get anywhere by pissing her off even more. Besides, right now he did not want to hear anything about his best friend's affair with Strauss. It was hard enough to have found out about it like that, and he was going to talk to Dave about it later, but his main focus was JJ at the moment.

"Mine and Agent Jareau's relationship has never for one minute affected our work. If anything, we work even stronger and closer together now. There has to be a way to evade these rules," Hotch continued firmly.

"They're not even married, don't these regulations only apply to married couples?" Dave asked. "If you hadn't used me to spy on the team, you wouldn't even know about Aaron and JJ. So let's cut the crap and be reasonable here."

"For the record, David: I didn't use you. For anything. And I also didn't spy on your team." Erin replied harshly. I'm not having this conversation with you now, but if it is any consolation: I was with you, because I wanted you, because I cared about you. I still do. But it's not as simple as it seems, gentlemen." She took a deep breath and went on with her explanation.

"Every department in the Bureau is facing budget cuts and redistribution. You of all people should know that, Agent Hotchner. We barely got through the BAU's last budget."

"So you're using JJ as a scapegoat?" Dave asked incredulously.

"The director has been after me for weeks for a decision to downsize the BAU's budget. You probably won't believe this right now, but I have actually fought for your team, and every single one of its members. I've tried to find a way to save costs elsewhere, but personnel costs simply make the biggest part of a budget. There is no way around of having someone released from this team. I needed to make a decision."

"Well, I don't accept it," Dave burst out loudly.

"With all due respect, Ma'am, but has it ever occurred to you to talk to me as well?" Hotch asked. "This is my team we're talking about here, and I should have a say if someone needs to get transferred."

"And who would you have chosen?" Erin questioned. "Are you telling me you would have been able to make this decision, and if yes, it would have been a different one? I understand your frustration, Agent Hotchner, but all things considered, Agent Jareau is the only reasonable choice."

Hotch bit his lip and drew in a deep breath. He hated to admit it, but she was right. It wasn't that JJ didn't have a valuable position on the team, but she was not a profiler. The rest of the team could take over her job, as harsh as it sounded. They would all have to face an exponentially increasing amount of workload, but at the end of the day, they'd be able to do it. Plus, if he hadn't chosen JJ, it would have looked like he'd play favors, because she was his girlfriend.

Hotch stared at Strauss for a few moments before he broke the eye contact.

"Fine. If Agent Jareau has to leave, then I'll go too."

Dave's and Erin's eyes widened in surprise.

"Hotch-"

"No, I mean it. I'm not going to let my relationship be destroyed by this." He stood up abruptly. "If that's all, you'll find my letter of resignation on your desk by noon."

Without another glance at either Dave or Strauss, he left.

Dave got up as well, but before he turned to leave, he said, not hiding his disappointment: "Why not me, Erin? If you're going down this argumentation, why didn't you pick me? It would save the Bureau a hell of a lot more money, and you know that."

She couldn't say anything. Of course she'd thought about him, too, but she didn't want to admit that she feared if he was gone from the FBI again, their relationship would be over as well.

"You could have just talked to me and we would have found a solution. I would have helped you, you know. Now you're all on your own." He finished.

Leaning down and into Erin's personal space, piercing his dark, angry eyes into hers, he whispered dangerously: "If you don't find a way to fix this, I swear to God, Erin, I'll take you down with us all."


	5. Chapter 5

**Love And Loss**

Chapter 5

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Still fuming inside, Dave made his way back to his office, ignoring the curious eyes that were following him as he walked through the bullpen. News traveled fast, obviously, although he wasn't too surprised. Considering how loud he had yelled at Erin, he was sure that whole floor had taken notice of it.

Through the half-closed blinds, he saw Hotch sitting behind his desk, writing hastily, his face as stoic as ever. He knew he owed him an apology, or at least an explanation, so he stopped at his door and knocked. Not waiting to be invited in, he entered immediately.

"Hotch-"

"Dave, I'm busy right now," Hotch said shortly, keeping his eyes glued to the piece of paper in front of him.

"Aaron, please," Dave tried again. "I owe you an explanation."

Hotch raised his head.

"Not now, Dave," he hissed, anger obvious in his voice. "I'm not in the mood for tales about your women. Though, I have to say that I'm surprised that even after three divorces you seem to have learned nothing." He glared disparagingly at his old friend.

Dave couldn't argue with that. Maybe he should really stay away from women once and for all, it ended in a disaster anyway.

Understanding Aaron's unwillingness to be subjected to anything about him and Strauss at the moment, Dave changed the subject, and said: "Don't do this, Aaron."

"Don't do what?" Hotch answered annoyed, knowing fully well what Dave was referring to.

"Don't resign. The team needs you." _I need you _was implied with that statement. Dave didn't want to lose his friend, but he had always had difficulties expressing his feelings.

"Team?" Hotch snorted. "JJ's dismissal is just the beginning. I'd bet anything that it won't be long before Strauss finally finds a way to break up the rest of us. If I go now, I at least won't have to witness it."

"Hotch, what are you talking about? This doesn't sound anything like you!" Dave insisted. "The BAU is your life, you love your team!" After a short break, he added: "You gave up your marriage for the BAU."

"And I won't make that mistake again," Hotch yelled back promptly, but his face softened right after his outburst.

"Dave, with JJ I've been given a second chance. You were the one who told me not to let the best things in my life slip away, and this time I won't. Yes, I love the BAU but I love my family more," Aaron went on, considerably calmer. It was the first time he had spoken of JJ, Henry and Jack and him together as _family, s_omething he never thought he'd had again after Haley's death. He looked at Dave, his eyes begging him to understand. Recognizing the desired understanding in his eyes, he added: "And if you excuse me now, I have to finish my work."

He turned his focus back onto the paper in front of him, signaling Dave that their conversation was over.

Sighing deeply, Dave trudged out and over to his own office.

Why was it that every time he thought he had found at least some peace and happiness in his life, it all came crushing down in the end?

He sank down into his chair and closed his eyes, thinking back at the last five months he'd spent with Erin, desperately trying to recall if there had been an indicator, anything at all, that she was just using him for her own purposes. He couldn't find one.

For once everything had been fine and easy.

But he should have known that with a woman, who had already proven in the past that she was willing to do anything to further her own career and destroy others she thought could get in her way, things are never easy and fine. He could beat himself up for falling into her web, for allowing her to play him and rat him out the minute she succeeded with her plans.

Slamming his fist down onto his desk, he swore he would not let her get away unpunished. He would find a way to get even with her, so help him God! If JJ and Aaron were really going to leave the BAU, he would make sure Erin Strauss would have to go, too.


	6. Chapter 6

**Love And Loss**

Chapter 6

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The rest of the day passed by fairly uneventful. Hotch had put his team on hold, because with everything going on at the moment, he couldn't risk being called away, especially since JJ wouldn't be able to go with them.

She had to wrap up her work for the BAU before she had to report to the Baltimore Field Office by the beginning of next month.

True to his word, Hotch had dropped off his resignation in Strauss's office and had then left for the day.

Emily, Reid, and Morgan, had watched him in confusion. They had no idea what exactly was going on except for the fact that JJ had to leave the team. Hotch knew they were anxiously waiting for an explanation to the whole disaster, but he wasn't in the right mood for that now. All he wanted to do was to go home and hole up in his and Jack's apartment that had already become JJ's and Henry's second home, and hope that everything would have solved itself over night.

The team would either have to ask Rossi or wait until the next morning, or maybe try to figure things out by themselves. With the help of the office rumor mill buzzing, that certainly wouldn't be a hard job.

When Dave left as well without any acknowledgment of the waiting members of the team, they went over to JJ's office only to find it deserted, too.

Even Garcia, who was usually well informed about anything going on in every department of the FBI, could only fill them in on Dave's now not-so-secret affair with Strauss. "He yelled at our esteemed Section Chief so loudly that Gina, Strauss's assistant feared he would tear her boss into pieces. Everything else happened behind closed doors. Whatever it is, my loves, we'll all have to wait until tomorrow before we hear anything."

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JJ didn't know what to say at first when Hotch informed her about his decision to follow her to Baltimore. He loved his job, the BAU was his life, and she would never take that away from him or ask him to give it up for her, but secretly she was beaming with happiness that he was so willingly committing to her. They had talked for over an hour about how this would not only effect their relationship but also change their whole lives, but when Hotch professed his love for her and her son, telling her that he loved Henry just as much as he did Jack, JJ knew that no matter what would happen, if she and Aaron and the boys were together in the end, everything would be all right.

"You should talk to Dave again," she told Hotch later that night, when they were cleaning the dinner dishes.

"Why? If it weren't for him, we wouldn't be in this mess," Aaron insisted stubbornly, although he knew JJ was right. He wasn't really sure what it was that made him so angry with Dave. He reckoned that he couldn't even blame the fact that it was through Dave that Strauss had gotten wind of his and JJ's relationship. That would have happened anyway sooner or later. What angered him more was the fact that Dave hadn't told him anything about his relationship.

Of course, strictly speaking, Dave wasn't obligated to inform him about whatever he had going on in his spare time and with whom, but after their long years of friendship, of knowing practically every detail about each other's lives, it did hurt Aaron that his best friend didn't bring up the courage to let him know.

Thinking about it, Hotch realized that he probably would have done the same. How did you tell your best friend that you were dating the one person he resented the most?

"You know that's bullshit, Aaron," JJ remarked calmly, propping a hand on her hip, and looked at him, daring him to disagree.

"I know," Aaron sighed. "I guess I just need some time to make sense of it all and to calm down."

"Good," the blonde woman in front of him stated firmly. "Because you don't want to throw away an almost twenty-year long friendship over that. That's definitely not worth it."

They continued cleaning up in silence until JJ spoke again.

"He really seemed happy."

"Who? Dave?"

JJ nodded.

"Yeah," Hotch agreed. "I hardly even remember when I have seen him so relaxed as he was in the last months."

"How could he not see that she was fooling him?" JJ mused.

"Because she probably wasn't," Hotch said matter-of-factly.

JJ furrowed her brows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Think about it, JJ. Have you ever seen Strauss as relaxed and easy to work with as in these last months? I don't doubt that they were actually really happy with each other."

"But why would she want to destroy that?"

"I don't know, but I'd say she didn't think that far ahead. She heard about us and probably just saw a possibility to solve her problems with the budget. Back in her office today she only really seemed to have grasped the situation to its full extend when Rossi yelled blindly at her."

Just when JJ was about to reply, the doorbell rang, accompanied by a sharp knock.

Wondering who might be at the door that late in the evening, Hotch dried his hands and went over to open the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Love And Loss**

Chapter 7

* * *

"Chief Strauss!" Hotch exclaimed in surprise.

"Agent Hotchner," Strauss greeted shortly. "May I come in for a moment?"

Reluctantly, Hotch stepped aside to let her in.

"What can I do for you?" He asked, gesturing her over to the couch in the living room. Normally, he would offer any guest that came by something to drink, but he didn't see any reason to be overly polite with her, not after everything she had done to him, his team, and his friends.

"I'm here because I may be able to do something for you," Strauss answered.

Hotch raised his eyebrows in amazement. This was going to be interesting.

"Agent Jareau!" Strauss called as JJ came out of the kitchen as well.

"Chief Strauss." JJ's tone was snippy and not exactly welcoming. Since she wasn't her boss anymore, JJ didn't feel the need to fake politeness.

"Why don't you sit down with us? What I have to say concerns you as well," Strauss requested.

JJ hesitantly took a seat next to Hotch on the armrest of his favorite recliner.

"All right, let's get straight to the point. I realized that I may have been a bit hasty with my decision. For that I would like to apologize," Strauss continued.

JJ and Hotch exchanged a look, not sure if they had heard her correctly. An admission of having been wrong, plus an apology, was nothing either of them had ever expected to come out of the Section Chief's mouth.

"Be that as it may, I've spent all afternoon on the phone with the Director. He's been very pleased with your performance and achievements on the job, Agent Jareau, and he is therefore willing to offer you the position to lead his public relations department. Your job would be solely media and communications related compared to the one at the BAU, and you wouldn't be in the field anymore, but you'd be responsible for all of the Director's public appearances, and the spokesperson and the face of the Bureau. You would work from Quantico, the only difference being that your new office would be a few floors upstairs."

Strauss made a short break to let the news sink in and looked expectantly at the couple in front of her. Both JJ's and Hotch's jaws dropped open as they tried to process what they had just heard.

Seeing that they were still at a loss for words, Strauss went on, pulling an envelope out of her briefcase.

"If you choose to accept this offer, Agent Jareau, I think this won't be necessary anymore." She handed the envelope over to Hotch, who realized that it was his still unopened letter of resignation.

"You wouldn't work on the same team, but you could both stay at Quantico and wouldn't have to worry about violating Bureau rules anymore."

JJ nodded absentmindedly, while Hotch eyed Strauss suspiciously, wondering if there was a catch.

"Chief Strauss, I, or rather we can't deny that this comes as a bit of a surprise right now," he started, but was cut short by the older woman.

"And you're asking yourself if it is a foul trick. I can't blame you for that, but I can assure you that you don't have anything to worry about. Agent Hotchner, it's not a secret that we both don't get along very well, but I've come to respect your work and your effectiveness in the field over the last months. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep everyone on your team, the budget cuts won't allow that, but I think this offer might be the best solution for everyone involved. The final decision, of course, is yours."

"When do you need to have our decision?" JJ asked when Strauss was finished.

"As soon as possible. But if you need the night to think it over, take your time," Strauss answered.

JJ and Hotch nodded and murmured small thank-yous, still in confusion about the her sudden change of heart.

Looking at the older woman sitting opposite to her, JJ had a suspicion what it was that caused her to reconsider. Or rather who it was.

"Ma'am, may I ask you a personal question?" She asked carefully.

Strauss clamped her lips together, but gestured her to go on, probably curious about what JJ had to say.

"You're doing this for us because of Dave, I mean, Agent Rossi, aren't you?"

Realizing that she had been figured out, Strauss nodded tensely.

"You're obviously able to tell as much. But my private life is nothing that concerns you or that I am willing to discuss with you," she replied firmly.

"Of course, Ma'am," JJ said quickly.

"We understand and respect that, but I don't think I have to point out that David Rossi is a close friend to both of us. And I don't like to see my friends get hurt," Hotch added with a hint of warning in his voice.

"Of course," Strauss replied shortly, before she stood up. "Well, you've heard my offer. I expect to see you with your answers as soon as possible."

"We will," JJ said. "Thank you."

She reached out to take Strauss's hand as she and Hotch got up, too. Hearing Henry's cries filling the room, she quickly excused herself and hurried over to his room.

Hotch walked her over to the door, took a notepad from the dresser and scribbled an address on it. Handing it over to her, he opened the door and said quietly: "That's where he is if he's not at home."

He glared at her intensely, warning her with his famous Hotchner stare that she better not fool Dave again.

"Thank you, Agent Hotchner."

"Don't thank me. I'm not doing this for you but for my best friend," he answered, putting an emphasis on the last two words to make sure she got the memo.

Nodding slightly, Strauss bid her goodbyes to him, and took a deep breath as the door closed behind her. Her next stop would not be so easy.


	8. Chapter 8

Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.

* * *

**Love And Loss**

Chapter 8

* * *

Much like many other man, David Rossi had a habit of drowning his sorrows sitting in the dimly lit accommodations of a bar, rambling about them to either the bartender or another lonely soul that could be found on the stool next to him.

Ever since his divorce from wive number two, he went to that particular tavern on the far end of the city when he wanted to be alone and not to be found by anyone who would either try to cheer him up or make him even more miserable. Except for Hotch, no one knew where he used to drink his heartbreak away. He'd taken his friend there after Haley had filed for divorce and then after Foyet had killed her, but aside from that, he actually hadn't been in there for a couple of years.

Today's events, however, had led him straight over, which was why he was currently sitting at the far end of the counter with his head bent over his third glass of Scotch in as many hours, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for why he had let himself to be fooled by a woman once again.

He saw her at once the moment she entered the bar.

Flinching angrily, he kept his eyes on his glass. How did she know where to find him? Cursing inwardly when it dawned him, he downed the contents of the glass. He could understand that Hotch was angry with him for his affair with Strauss, or for not letting him in on it, but that he actually turned her loose on him was not fair.

Without a greeting, Erin slid on the bar stool next to him.

"This seat's already taken," Dave said grumpily.

"Really? I don't see anyone around who it might belong to," she retorted, and then said to the bartender: "I'll have a Martini, please."

"No, she doesn't. She's leaving again."

"I'm not. And he'll have another Scotch, please," Erin answered firmly, leaving the bartender to look at them in confusion.

"Fine. Then I'm leaving," Dave muttered, pulled a few bills out of his pocket and then got up.

"David!" Erin tried to hold him back. "We need to talk."

He turned around and glared at her dangerously.

"No, we don't! What could we possibly have left to say to each other?" He spat furiously.

"David, please!" She reached out to take his hand, trying to soothe him, but he pulled back instantly. The mixture of raw emotions in his eyes sent a shiver down her back. She had no idea how to approach him, how to make things right between them, and it almost brought her to her knees that she might have lost him for good.

"I talked to Hotchner and Jareau," she started as he was about to walk away again.

Stopping, he murmured: "I could tell. Why else would you be here? Hotch is the only one who knew where to find me and thanks to him I have to look for a new bar now."

"There have been some new developments," she continued.

Spinning around, he hissed: "With what did you bribe Aaron to tell you where I was. You must have been pretty convincing if he told you about this place! But who am I kidding, you've always gotten what you wanted. You can be so proud of yourself that you even made my best friend turn against me."

"If you're referring to the fact that he didn't know about us, don't you dare blame me for that!" Erin's voice became louder.

"Are you fucking kidding me? We _both_ agreed on keeping our relationship to ourselves! I only did you a favor by not telling Hotch about us, because I knew you would have freaked out over it!" Dave yelled back.

Looking around, Erin saw that they were already drawing the attention of the other guests to themselves with their fight.

"David, we're having an audience. Why don't we sit down and talk about this like adults?" She asked considerably softer.

Dave's first impulse was to turn around and leave her where she was, but then reason kicked in and he sat back down. He knew she was right. At some point, they had to talk, and if he was honest, he was also curious about the developments she had just announced.

The bartender, seeing that they'd taken their seats again, fixed them the drinks Erin had ordered before.

"Say what you have to say, Erin, and then leave me alone," Dave growled, taking a sip from his new Scotch.

"I'm here to apologize," she replied honestly.

"Oh, really?" Dave snorted in disbelief.

"Really. I'm so sorry about everything," she said softly.

"I hope you're not seriously assuming that I'm buying that."

"David, I know I've hurt you-"

"Hurt me? You're worse than all three of my ex-wives combined!" He spat with so much contempt that Erin visibly shuddered.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes, each nursing their drinks, before Erin began to speak again.

"I've talked to the Director."

Dave didn't give her a reaction, so she simply continued to explain what she had told Hotch and JJ earlier.

"That's all I can do, David," she concluded after a few minutes.

He raised his head and looked at her as if he wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly. He could see she was waiting for a reaction from him, but he was too stunned to speak for the moment.

The solution she had come up with was certainly the most reasonable in a situation like that. Next to keeping JJ on the team, which obviously wasn't possible, it was the best they could have ended up with. But it left one question: Since when did Erin Strauss stick up for Hotch and the team?

She certainly would not do it, if there wasn't anything in it for her. Or at least not without wanting something in return.

Furrowing his brows, he tried to read her face, tried to find the indication that would tell him she was going to trick him again. Instead he found complete honesty in her eyes and a plea for forgiveness and understanding. He was about to make his remark, when she broke their eye contact and bent her head in disappointment.

"You don't believe me," she stated quietly.

"Excuse me, Erin, but you haven't exactly been known for your honesty." He glared at her, keeping his gaze dark and unreadable, but inside his thoughts and feelings were reeling, trying to make sense of the confusion she had sent him into with her actions.

"What's in it for you?" He asked suspiciously.

"I'm not tricking you, David, if that's what you're implying. Please believe that. The offer is legit. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that I hope it'll help to mend things between us."

"Why now? Surely this position as the Director's media liaison had been open for longer than just this afternoon. Why not offering it to JJ in the beginning?"

Erin blushed deeply in embarrassment and avoided his gaze.

"Because, technically it had already been filled. Philip's niece was supposed to get the job."

"Philip as in Philip Strauss, your ex-husband?"

She nodded.

"I owed him, so I promised that I would get her in once she graduated from university."

"You owed him?" Dave asked incredulously. "Are you out of your mind? Have you forgotten how the man treated you at the end of your marriage? You owe him nothing!" Almost instinctly Dave had switched into protective mode, remembering how he had held her on quite a few nights during her less than pleasant divorce.

"I've come to realize that," Erin replied defensively.

"And what were you thinking, offering such a responsible position to a graduate with no professional experience? Especially since you already had the perfect person for the job right in front of your nose!"

"Stop accusing me, David! I know I was wrong. She won't get the job, okay? Regardless if Agent Jareau accepts the offer or not."

Dave took a deep breath and decided not to dwell upon that subject for now. What was more important for him, anyway, was to find out why she'd lashed out on JJ and the team in the first place.

"Why didn't you talk to me first, Erin?" He whispered hoarsely.

"I don't know, David. I saw an opportunity to solve the budget problem, and I went for it."

"In your typical, despicable Erin Strauss way," he snorted dismissively.

"I realized too late that it was the wrong way. I'm really sorry about it. You asked me this morning why I didn't choose you," she went on with her statement. "I've thought a lot about it over the last weeks. Ever since the Director came to me with the budget cuts, and before I knew about Hotchner's and Jareau's relationship. I was aware that in regard of Bureau regulations, one of us would have to leave, the department at least. I'm sure you can figure that I didn't want to give up my position, not after everything I had to go through to get it," she explained truthfully.

"But I also didn't want to lose you," she added in a whisper. "Not as an agent, and more importantly, not as a friend and a lover."

Dave was surprised by her honesty, and it took him a few seconds to take in everything she'd said.

"Why did you expect to lose me if we didn't work together anymore? Don't you think we wouldn't have been able to keep up our relationship? If you had just talked to me, I'm sure we would have found a solution. I could have gone back to writing and lecturing, we could have been together without having to fear that someone might see us."

"We can still do that!" Erin pleaded desperately.

"You think I can take you back just like that?" Dave shook his head. "Right now, I can't see how I could ever trust you again," he muttered.

"I don't want to lose you, David!" Erin begged again, the desperate sound of her voice surprising even to herself.

"You already have, Erin. Maybe you should have thought about it, before you went and destroyed everything," Dave replied in a quiet murmur.

He had to admit that after everything she had just told him, he was confused. Confused about this woman, confused about his own feelings for her.

He was torn between wanting to forgive her, wanting to work on a way to find back to her, and sending her to hell for good.

But what he knew was that tonight none of that would happen. Accepting her apology was not possible for him after just one little talk. Too much had happened for him to just give her another chance.

If she was serious about them, she would have to work harder to win him back.

He, at least, would need some time alone to think about everything.

"I'm going home now," he said after another moment of silence.

His earlier statement had rendered her speechless with defeat.

Throwing a few dollar bills onto the counter, he slipped off the stool.

"David, please!" Erin's voice was only a barely audible whisper now. Her last option was to lay all of her cards and her heart on the table. "I love you."

Dave froze in his tracks and didn't move for a few seconds.

Then he turned and left the bar.


	9. Chapter 9

Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum.

* * *

**Love And Loss**

Chapter 9

* * *

_She loved him! _Her words pounded in his ears all the way home from the bar.

He briefly wondered if he had heard her correctly, but he clearly wasn't that drunk that he would be imagining things. Debating with himself if after his three glasses of scotch he should rather call a taxi than drive by himself, he brushed the thought away as his glance fell through the window back into the bar and he saw Erin get up as well. The last thing he wanted tonight was having to face her again while he was waiting for a cab. He needed to come to terms with everything he'd learned today before seeing her again, and before he might do something he'd regret later.

Jumping into his car, he hoped that the police wouldn't stop him and that he could have a quiet and undisturbed drive home.

He was lucky.

An hour later, he arrived back at his cabin at Little Creek. The drive had actually relaxed him quite a bit, and he had been able to let his mind wander.

Erin's behavior had astonished and shocked him more than once today. He had to admit that he shouldn't have been surprised by her initial decision of transferring JJ. That had been a typical to Chief Strauss ploy. But since he had come to trust her and had thought he had gotten to know her better over the last months, the shock couldn't have been bigger.

And then out of the blue she'd about-faced and come up with a much more reasonable solution, and he could honestly say that she'd caught him off guard with it. Because Erin Strauss never apologized, she never did anything anyone else would benefit from. It wasn't like her to do that, but she'd included her reason right away: She did it for him, because she loved him and didn't want to lose him.

It sounded almost absurd.

But he believed her, God help him, but he did. The thing was, he didn't know if he could forgive her for betraying his trust the way she did.

Sometimes love just wasn't enough.

~.~.~

The next morning, Dave woke up with a massive headache. He had consumed another two glasses of his favorite drink at home while sitting on his sofa and staring into space, and had now to live with the consequences of a hangover. It gave him an excuse, though, to call in sick this morning.

The desire to see Erin again at the office still hadn't become bigger, even though he knew he couldn't avoid her forever.

But today he was going to allow himself a quiet day alone, hoping to see and to speak to no one but his dog.

Erin tried to call him in the afternoon, but he simply shut off his phone and ignored it. When she called him on his landline as well, he unplugged the phone, and went off for a walk with Mudgie.

He didn't want to talk to her, nor did he want to think about her, but no matter how hard he tried to occupy his mind with other things, she always crept back in. And every time his thoughts ended up at the same point: _She betrayed you!_

That notion managed to make his blood boiling even after he'd had time to calm down and think about the events from the day before. He reckoned that his biggest anger stemmed from the fact that she had – no matter how unintentionally – spied on him and used the information she gained through that against the team to solve her own problems.

And no matter how much he actually believed her that she didn't do it on purpose, he couldn't help the disappointment he felt that she hadn't talked to him, that she obviously hadn't trusted him enough with to come to him with her problems.

Even though they had never openly defined being together as a relationship, he liked to think that they had come to value and trust each other, but she had slapped his trust right back into his face with her actions, and regardless of how long or how intensely he thought about it, he didn't see a chance to forgive her for that.

~.~.~

Arriving back at work the next day, he was followed by the curious glances of his coworkers as he made his way through the bullpen up to his office. He had no intention to discuss his involvement with Erin Strauss with anyone but Hotch – admittedly, he didn't even want to talk to him about it, but he knew that, being his best friend, Aaron wouldn't stop pushing until he did – so when the team gathered for their daily meeting, he firmly and successfully shut down all the questions that were obvious on his colleagues faces.

After the meeting, he retrieved back into his office, and except for a short lunch break, he didn't come back out for the rest of the day.

Erin herself had been in back-to-back meetings all day long, and Dave was relieved about not having had to face her yet. It was shortly after six when he called it quits, hoping to escape the office before she was out of her last meeting. The workload hadn't been very heavy today, especially since the team was on stand-down for the rest of the month, giving JJ the time to wrap up her work for the BAU, and Hotch to sort out a plan on how to distribute her work among the others.

"Hold the elevator!" He called out as he approached the lift, seeing the doors close.

He stopped in his tracks when the doors opened again and he noticed that Erin was the only occupant. There was a second of uncomfortable silence, until he made up his mind and turned away.

"Never mind, I'll take the stairs," he mumbled more to himself than to her.

"David, wait!" Erin tried to call him back, but he ignored her.

He should have known, though, that she wouldn't give up so easily. When he reached the parking garage, she was waiting for him by the entrance to the stairwell. Rolling his eyes, he brushed past her without a word.

"David, can we please talk?" She pleaded, following him over to his car.

"I believe you've already talked enough. And I have nothing to say to you," he spat, avoiding eye contact, then got into his SUV and started the motor.

Raising his head now that the cramped confines of his car securely separated him from her, he stared into her eyes for a long moment, before he pulled out of the parking lot and drove away.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait. Over the past couple of weeks I've been playing around with a couple of ideas of how to continue this, and neither worked particularly well. I've now decided to go with the first idea I had, and I hope it'll be comprehensible in the end.**

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing, I promise you won't have to wait that long again for the next chapter. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Love And Loss **

Chapter 10

* * *

For the rest of the week, Erin took every opportunity she could get to try and talk to Dave, but he simply refused to acknowledge her. He was surprised by her persistence, but the more she sought him out, the more he closed down.

"Are you sure you don't want to clear the air with her once and for all?" Hotch asked him while they were having lunch together on Friday.

The night before, they'd had a long talk, Dave had apologized repeatedly to him, and they'd both assured each other that their friendship wouldn't suffer from any after-effects.

"Yes," Dave answered shortly, taking a big bite from his sandwich.

"That ego of yours is standing in your way to permanent happiness," Hotch commented dryly.

"No, it isn't. Unlike with my ex-wives, I can say that this time there is nothing I am to blame for," Dave replied through his bites. "It was all her doing."

Hotch could only shake his head at his friend's stubbornness.

"Maybe you should swallow your pride and-"

"Don't go there, Aaron," Dave warned.

"So, you're willing to throw away everything the both of you had?"

"I just told you, Aaron, it was she who has already done that. And I'm not interested in finding out if she might do it again. Who can tell me that she won't pull a stunt like that when the next problem occurs? And since when are you rooting for her so hard?"

"As your friend, I'm only interested in your well-being, Dave," Hotch told him. "I've seen you in the last months. Even though I didn't know it was her you were with, it was obvious that you were happy. But running scared as soon as the first problem turns up has always been a weakness of yours, hasn't it?"

"I'm not running. I fully intent on forgetting everything that has ever happened between me and her." Dave shoved the last bite of his lunch into his mouth and stood up without another word.

~.~.~

The mood within the team had been gloomy ever since the news of JJ's departure had hit them. Of course they were all happy for her for getting a promotion like that, but their work would no be the same without her.

And even though JJ would only move a few floors upstairs and they would still be able to see each other on a regular basis, it didn't stop Garcia from organizing a little farewell party for her on her last day.

After the work had been done for the day, they'd all moved into the briefing room, where their esteemed technical analyst had set up a small buffet.

She was just about to present JJ with a parting gift – a framed collage of photos with every team member on it from the various jointly celebrated birthdays and holidays and other occasions – when Strauss entered the room. Gesturing Penelope to go on, Erin slipped in one corner and watched Garcia's tear-filled speech.

"But there is no one in this room who deserves the rise on the proverbial ladder more than you do, buttercup," Penelope concluded.

They all nodded, and Emily added, winking into Hotch's direction: "And we're expecting to see something very big and flashy on your most important finger soon. I mean, now that you're officially allowed to."

Everyone broke into laughter as JJ began to unwrap the picture, her eyes filling with tears as she looked at all the photographs.

"Thank you so much, guys. It's been the greatest honor to having been able to work with all of you in such a fantastic team. I can't tell you how much I'm going to miss you all at work. Thank God we'll still be able to see each other regularly."

After some cheering applause from her now former teammates, Erin stepped to the front, asking if she could say a few words.

Dave flinched visibly, but, catching a warning look from Hotch, he kept his mouth shut.

"As you all know, Agent Jareau's departure from the BAU has come unexpected to all of you, and I am rightfully the one to blame for it. I realize that I have shown some questionable judgment on that matter, and for that I would like to sincerely apologize to all of you."

Erin took a short break, and didn't miss the exchange of glances between the profilers.

"But just like I am sure your team will cope with their work just as successful as before, I am certain that Agent Jareau will excel in her new position."

She turned to JJ and went on: "Good luck, Agent Jareau. I wish you all the best for your future."

"Thank you, Ma'am," JJ replied politely, accepting Strauss's handshake.

Once Erin was finished, they all took turns in saying a few words, everyone ending with giving JJ a tight hug.

"You're still not talking to her?" JJ asked Dave softly as he released her from his embrace.

He cast a dark glare in Erin's direction, and shook his head. "There's nothing I have to say to her," he answered.

"Aaron's right. You're a stubborn fool," she stated.

Dave gave her a disapproving look.

"What?" She continued. "I'm just saying, Dave. You're still going to have to work with her. Even if you don't end up together, it'll make that a lot easier if you two sit down and have a heart-to-heart."

He gave JJ a sad smile and nodded slowly. "I'll think about it."

"You've been thinking about it for too long already. Just do it, before it's too late. I have a feeling that you won't regret it."

Bending to brush a small kiss on her cheek, he said: "Thanks, JJ."

Turning around, he saw Erin standing by the door, waiting to catch him alone to talk to him. Hesitating for a moment, he took a deep breath and walked slowly towards her.

The vibrating sound of his cell phone stopped him before he could reach her. Glancing at the caller ID, he decided to better take the call. He'd let Erin wait for weeks, a few more minutes didn't make a difference. With an apologetic shrug, he brushed past her and went over to his office.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: Thank you very much for the reviews on the last chapter. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to reply back to everyone personally, but I really appreciate everyone's feedback! **_

_**

* * *

**_

**Love And Loss**

Chapter 11

~.~.~

She let her head sink when he passed her and went straight to his office. Obviously that phone call was more important to him. Would she ever be able to talk to him? Or would he ignore her forever? She was beginning to get the feeling that it had been a colossal mistake to let her guard down completely and pour out her feelings for him.

She had tried, hadn't she? She'd done everything short of locking him in a room with her and forcing him to listen. All she wanted was an answer, but he obviously wasn't willing to give her one straight to her face. Now all she could do was take his silence for said answer.

It broke her heart, and she knew that she had mostly herself to blame for this outcome, but if he had one upright bone in his body, he at least would acknowledge her with a definite decision.

Walking past his office, she stopped for a moment and looked through the window, watching him behind his desk, his cell phone still glued to his ear. For a brief moment she considered storming in and snatching the phone out of his hand, and not leaving before they had settled everything.

But that would cause another scene in front of the whole department that she was not willing to endure. She wanted to keep what was left of her pride and walk out of this mess with her head held high.

~.~.~

Dave noticed her as soon as she appeared in front of his window and caught her eyes for a moment. He saw the deep breath she took and for a second he was sure she would burst into his office.

The glimpse of a second later, he noticed her defeat. A slight shake of her head, her lips pressed firmly together, he could literally see the stone-cold walls she was erecting around herself again. Then she walked away.

His thoughts drifted off and he wasn't able to listen to his publisher on the other end of the line anymore. He was sure she would leave him alone from now on. And somehow that thought disturbed him more than he wanted to admit. It was what he wanted in the first place, wasn't it? So why did he feel like a first-class idiot then?

~.~.~

It was Erin's birthday the next day.

A bright and beautiful Saturday, but it couldn't get her mood up.

Just a few weeks ago she had made plans with Dave to spend the day and the whole weekend at his cabin, but now that seemed almost surreal, as if a lifetime had gone by since then.

And now she didn't have plans anymore.

Her kids were all grown up and away in college, and except for the obligatory phone calls, she knew she didn't have anything to expect from them.

She had purposely brought home a load of paperwork, reckoning that she might as well do something useful to distract herself.

Her ringing doorbell accompanied by a sharp knock on her apartment door pulled her out of her concentration by five p.m.

~.~.~

JJ's and Aaron's words wouldn't leave his thoughts. On the one hand he still felt that he was he was doing the right thing to leave Erin hanging, but the nagging 'what ifs' became louder and louder in his mind.

What if it could work out with Erin?

What if she was the one person who could make him happy for the rest of his life? What was he thinking, he _had_ been happy with her!

He was cleaning up his house this Saturday morning when he found himself staring at the framed photographs he had put up over the fireplace. Between the pictures of his parents, family, and friends, there was also one of Erin.

He had taken it one Sunday morning, when she'd been up and in the kitchen before him, starting the coffee, wearing nothing but one of his shirts, her hair messed up and her eyes still sleepy. But to him she had never looked more beautiful, and he'd just had to capture that moment.

Of course, the moment she'd realized what he had done, she began chasing him through the whole house, trying to get a hold of the camera to delete the photo. They had ended up making love on the living room couch.

Dave couldn't tear his eyes away from the picture, and it was in that moment that he realized what they both had lost.

This was the real thing, his last chance at happiness, and he knew he had to act fast if he didn't want to make the loss permanent. Grabbing his car keys and his wallet, he rushed out of the house.

~.~.~

Erin groaned softly as the knock on her door became more and more impatient. She was honestly not in the mood for seeing anyone today, and briefly considered to pretend that she was not at home.

"Come on, Erin, I know you're in there!" She heard a muffled voice from the outside.

Could it...? Did her ears play tricks on her?

"Erin! I know you're home. Open the door!" He called again, a tad louder this time.

No, not a mistake. It was really David Rossi, whose voice intruded her apartment.

She felt herself getting excited and extremely nervous at the same time. If he was here to make her horrible birthday even worse – and at the moment she honestly wouldn't put it past him – she would shoot him. But then, he could just make her feel better, who knew.

Opening the door, she immediately felt her heartbeat begin to race as she took in his appearance. Dressed in a tuxedo, the scent of her favorite cologne of his permeated the air, her knees weakened at how deliciously handsome he was.

"What took you so long?" He asked, his face showing no emotion, neither positive nor negative, as he brushed past her into the apartment without being invited in.

Erin didn't know what to say. This was one of her very few moments she had ever been rendered speechless. But Dave wasted no time with explanations.

Handing her a big, flat white box, he simply demanded: "Put this on, we're going out!"

"Excuse me?"

"You can ask questions later, Erin. For now, would you please get dressed?"

Nodding slowly she accepted the box from his hands.

"I give you thirty minutes."

She looked at him, still too shocked for coherent words, and tried to read his face. His expression was still impassive, but she thought she detected a glint of mischief and amusement in his eyes.

Retreating into her bathroom, she opened the box and gasped audible.

Inside she found the perfect dress, one she would never have bought for herself. She usually wore light blue or dark evening gowns when the situation demanded it, underlining her cool and distant appearance with the way she dressed.

She'd always thought she wasn't the type for the kind of deep red this dress had, a color that was screaming of passion and fire, attributes that, while she knew she possessed them, she had always rather kept them hidden in her private life then tell the whole world about it.

~.~.~

When she exited the bathroom forty-five minutes later, Dave was glad that he had sat down.

Dropping the magazine he'd been reading to occupy himself, his mouth went dry and it was his turn to be speechless for a moment. Then his face broke into the first smile since he had arrived at her place.

The dress with its thin straps fit her perfectly, caressing her curves and showing just enough skin to get his imagination going, and her subtle makeup and the simple swept-up hairdo she'd chosen just enhanced her elegancy.

He took a few steps towards her and gestured her to turn.

"Wow," he managed to get out as he admired her from head to toe.

Erin didn't know if it was possible, but her heartbeat seemed to have accelerated even more thanks to his intense look. A warm feeling of complete happiness rushed through her body, and she wanted nothing more than to relish it, but her mind was still too confused. She just hoped that this was not a dream, not a product of her overactive imagination.

"David, what is this all about?" She finally asked.

He pulled a gift-wrapped envelope from his jacket and gave it to her.

"Your birthday present. Happy Birthday!"

~.~.~

* * *

**Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to nominate. Please check out the nominating ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum at .net/topic/74868/30888142/1/. All rules and information are on the forum. **


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: I've read with delight that I've been nominated for the Profiler's Choice CM Awards, not only with one, but actually with five stories! Thank you very much everyone who wrote up one of my stories for nomination, this has come as a complete, but very pleasant surprise. **_

_**Therefore, please take note of my other A/N at the end of this chapter. **_

**_Also, _ilovetvalot_ has interviewed a couple of award nominees for the Chit Chat forum, including me, and has asked me to advertise it, which I'm gladly doing hereby. Please stop by at the forum, I'm sure there'll be a lot more interviews to come over the next few weeks. _**

_**Now on with the next chapter! **_

_**

* * *

**_

**Love And Loss **

Chapter 12

Erin was in heaven.

David Rossi had once again swept her off her feet with his totally unexpected birthday present. A gala concert with the National Symphony Orchestra, a concert she knew had been sold out for months. And he had not only gotten them any tickets. No, they had their own box seats and a fantastic view over the stage.

She imagined that music like that was what the angels were playing in heaven. Leaning back in her seat, she closed her eyes and realized how lucky she was. She could very easily have lost everything, but now she was filled with hope again that she and David would find a way out of this mess.

~.~.~

Watching her from the side, Dave felt his constricted heart, which had been like that ever since that fateful Monday morning, unclench.

She looked happy and content, and it filled himself with happiness that he was able to give her so much pleasure with his birthday present.

He'd had the tickets for almost three months, having bought them as soon as he had read about this concert in an effort to surprise Erin. Of course, back then he'd imagined the circumstances to be much different.

When he'd come home from the bar after his little heart-to-heart with her, he had almost torn these tickets up and thrown them away, his anger and disappointment still too fresh, but something had held him back then. He reckoned that it was her confession at the end that made him keep the tickets.

And now he was glad that he did.

Of course he would have been able to come up with another idea for celebrating her birthday with her if he had destroyed the tickets, but he knew that with Erin's love for classical music, this very gift was so special that she would never forget it.

For a brief moment when he'd purchased them, he had hesitated, thinking about how a meaningful gift like that would change their relationship. At the time, they'd still kept everything strictly casual, never once admitting that they'd been sharing more than just some good time in bed together, and he had known that a surprise like that would profoundly deepen their relationship. But with the thought that he'd still have a few months to wrap his mind around that change, he'd gone and gotten the tickets.

~.~.~

"David, I really don't know what to say about this," Erin said with a content smile on her lips as they were walking down to the foyer during the break.

"So, I chose the right present then?" Dave winked, putting a warm hand on the small of her back to guide her through the crowd towards the bar.

"It's perfect," she answered softly, looking up into his eyes. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

They got in line to order something to drink.

"How did you get these tickets on such a short notice?" She wanted to know.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, this concert's been sold out for months. Yesterday, you were still ignoring me, and today you turn up with these tickets."

He thought for a second, knowing that the answer would define the direction on their relationship.

"I've had them for months," he replied calmly, never tearing his eyes away from hers as he watched her take in everything he had implied with his answer.

Erin's heart started to beat faster as she realized what he'd said. _I've been in love with you for months._ "Great, Erin, and you went and almost destroyed it," she mentally scolded herself.

"You... never said anything, "she started slowly.

"Of course not. That would have ruined my surprise for your birthday," he smirked.

She wanted to add something, but then it was their turn to order drinks.

"What do you want to drink?" Dave asked her.

"A white wine, please."

"I'll have one, too, thank you," he told the bartender, pulling out a few bills from his wallet and slipping it onto the counter.

With their drinks in hands, they made their way through the foyer to find a quiet corner for themselves, when Erin suddenly froze in her tracks as they came face to face with her ex-husband and his new, very attractive, and very young fiancée.

* * *

_**FINAL VOTING HAS STARTED FOR CM FANFIC AWARDS!**_

_**Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to vote. Please check out the final voting ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum. All rules and information are on the forum.**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Love And Loss **

Chapter 13

* * *

For a second they all just stared at each other.

Dave automatically wrapped his arm protectively around Erin's waist, pulling her closer to his side, making it obvious that she belonged to him now.

Erin felt the anger begin to boil in her stomach and realized that if she didn't want to get into a full blown argument with her ex-husband, right in the middle of the foyer, she needed to get away from him as far as possible, as quickly as possible. Lord knows they'd had quite a few of those over the last few weeks.

She also realized by Dave's possessive grip on her hip that he would not be able to keep his cool once Philip started one of his notorious attacks on her person.

But the last thing she wanted was for David Rossi to fight her battles.

With a short, disdainful nod and a dismissively spat "Philip", she herself put her arm around Rossi and made her way past the couple, pulling Dave with her before he could say or do something they'd both regret afterwards.

Finding a quiet place in the far corner of the foyer, Erin took a healthy sip from her wine and a few deep breaths to calm herself down again.

Dave didn't say anything, knowing that she would give him an explanation if she felt she needed to talk about it, but kept his arm demonstratively at her back, for everyone to see.

He knew that Erin and Philip Strauss's divorce had been messy, not only the divorce, but also and especially the last year of their marriage, and that Erin fought hard to at least try and remain civilized with him for the sake of their children.

When they had started seeing each other, the divorce had just been finalized, and he had spent quite a number of nights holding her, building up Erin's self-confidence again that had been shattered when she'd seen the young, flawless woman she'd been replaced with. It had taken a while, but under David Rossi's healing touch she'd begun to feel like an attractive woman again, and had gotten over it.

Which was why he was sure that her anger was not per se caused by seeing Philip's playmate.

Recalling the last time he had talked to Erin before tonight, he had a sinking feeling what the reason for the obvious anger between them was.

"You and him, you've got something in common," Erin started. "You're both not happy with Agent Jareau's new job."

Dave couldn't keep the small smirk from creeping onto his face. He knew exactly why Philip Strauss would be pissed off by that and he couldn't help the slight feeling of triumph over that arrogant bastard. None of them might be happy with the situation of having to work without their media liaison, but in all honesty, he was sure there was no one who deserved a promotion like that more than JJ – regardless if she liked it in the beginning or not.

"Well, I bet he already got his niece into another job," Dave said dryly.

"Actually, from what I heard, and from the way he still whines about it everywhere, she doesn't have a job yet. Or at least not one that he might profit from as well," Erin grinned, and then swallowed visibly, before she went on. "He spent the last weeks trying to get the Director to reverse the decision to have Agent Jareau. That is, when he wasn't terrorizing me in my office."

Dave's brows furrowed in irritation at that, as his protective streak automatically translated into pulling Erin closer to him again.

"Don't worry, David. I know how to deal with him. I was married to this man for 25 years, I know what to do with him," Erin placated. "But I can't say I appreciate his almost daily disturbances."

"If he does it again, I'm going to have a word with him," Dave pressed out.

"No, you won't," Erin said firmly. "He has lost, and he knows it. It's just his ego that hasn't gotten over the blow yet."

Dave opened his mouth to veto, but she stopped him before another word came out.

"Promise me that you will leave it alone."

Dave rolled his eyes, and looked at her for a moment, challenging her, but then gave in.

"Fine, I promise."

They drank the rest of their wine in silence, before he began again.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Seeing her nod, he went on: "In the bar, you told me that you owed him, which was why you'd gotten his niece the job in the first place."

Erin looked away. This was an uncomfortable subject, but she knew she would not be able to avoid talking about it and come clean with him in every way.

"It's stupid. I mean, looking back, I was stupid for even agreeing to this."

Turning to meet his eyes again, she continued: "Do you remember the night you got called in for that case in Alaska?"

Dave nodded. "I do. I'm still pissed that we couldn't finish that play," he replied grumpily.

"Philip saw us when you brought me home from the theater, before you went back to the BAU. He had come by and waited in the car to ask me a favor to get his niece a job, but when he saw us together, kissing, he took the opportunity to threaten to make our affair public if I didn't help him."

Dave sighed deeply. "Why didn't you come and talk to me? Why did you let him get away with this?"

"I don't know, David. I mean, I didn't even know what it was we were having. An affair? A relationship? I was comfortable with what we had and I didn't want to analyze it. I guess I was afraid you'd break it up if we were to get exposed. And then, how would it have looked like if the FBI's most notorious bureaucrat was violating the rules?"

"You're right. That sounds incredibly stupid," Dave retorted sarcastically, but his tone sobered up again immediately. "Did I really gave you the impression that I'd rather end things than stand by your side?"

He tilted her chin and kept their gazes locked when she wanted to avoid his eyes again.

"Erin, do you know what hurt me the most through everything that's happened lately?" He asked softly. "What bothers me most is that you didn't trust me."

He gently wiped away an eyelash that had fallen onto her cheek.

From the look in his eyes, she could see that he wasn't over this disappointment yet, and she knew that it would probably still take a while for him to do that.

The bell to announce the end of the break interrupted their talk.

* * *

_**FINAL VOTING HAS STARTED FOR CM FANFIC AWARDS!**_

_**Calling all CM readers and authors! Join us for our first Profiler's Choice CM Awards on ! Help us choose the best of the best of the CM stories on , and let your voice be heard. Anyone with a account is eligible to vote. Please check out the final voting ballot and rules at Chit Chat on Author's Forum. All rules and information are on the forum.**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Love And Loss **

Chapter 14

* * *

When Dave turned to go back to their seats, Erin reached out and took his hand, playing with his fingers.

"I know I screwed up, David," she told him softly. "But I really just want to have a chance to work things out with you."

Dave nodded. "I know. And I know it took me a while to get to this point, but I want that, too." His voice was gentle and reassuring, letting Erin know that he was serious about it, but at the same time making it clear, to both of them, that this was their last chance at getting it right.

He put his arm lightly around her waist again, his hand resting on the small of her back as he began to guide her back inside the concert hall.

"How about we enjoy the rest of this wonderful concert and then have a late dinner somewhere afterwards?" He suggested as they walked back up the stairs.

"Sure, that sounds great."

Erin's relief could not be overheard.

~.~.~

After the concert they almost ran into Philip and his fiancée again, but Dave shot a dark, warning glare into the couple's direction as soon as he had spotted them in the distance, making them turn quickly and go off the opposite way. Satisfied for the moment, even though he made a mental note to turn the man's life into hell should he ever utter one discrediting word about and to Erin again, he turned his attention back to the woman by his side.

"You still up for grabbing a bite to eat?" He asked as they stepped out of the building.

It was nearly ten p.m., and the air had gotten quite chilly, even for early October. Dave automatically shed his suit jacket and draped it over Erin's shoulders. Nobody could deny that his mother had raised a gentleman.

She gave him a light, thankful smile. "Sure. I haven't eaten anything since that sandwich for lunch today."

"Italian okay with you? A friend of mine owns a little trattoria not far from here. It's probably too late to get something decent anywhere else, but he'll make us something."

"Sounds good," Erin agreed.

"Why don't you wait here and I'll get the car?" Dave asked then.

"No, I'm okay to walk the few steps over there with you," she declined his offer.

"Afraid I might leave you standing here?" He joked.

"You wouldn't dare," she gave back.

He smiled.

"No, I wouldn't. I was just trying to be a gentleman."

"I really appreciate that, David. But really, I want to get away from this place before I have the misfortune of bumping into Philip and his doll again. I don't think I could hold back this time, if I had to face them again."

"I'm sorry that this incident ruined your evening," Dave said gently. "If I had known he'd be here tonight, I'd have made sure to find a reason for him to be on the other side of the planet."

"It's not your fault, David. You couldn't have known," Erin tried to soothe him. "And he didn't ruin anything. Admittedly, I could have gone without having to endure an appearance of his tonight, but it needs a lot more to ruin such a wonderful concert for me."

Dave smiled warmly at her and was once again glad that he had decided to come here with her.

~.~.~

Fifteen minutes later, they were seated in a private corner at the restaurant.

Dave's friend hadn't looked too happy when they had turned up just as their last guests had been about to leave, but after a few words Dave had exchanged with him in Italian – Erin wasn't sure if she wanted to know how Dave had bribed him into letting them stay – he had led them over to his best table.

After ordering their drinks, they both leaned back in their chairs, enjoying the semi-private atmosphere of the empty restaurant. They hadn't been out a lot so far, mostly because they'd feared that their relationship could have been exposed if they ran into someone they knew.

"Thank you for tonight, David," Erin said after a few moments of comfortable silence. "I really had a great time."

"You're welcome," he answered softly, reaching over the table to take her hand. "I had a good time, too. I'm glad I didn't throw the tickets away."

"Me, too."

Their drinks arrived, and they both took a sip before Erin spoke again.

"I really have a lot to make up for, especially after tonight."

"I guess we both have. I wasn't exactly forthcoming either in the past weeks."

"Well, I can't really blame you, can I?" She gave him a bitter smile and let out a sigh. "You have no idea how much I wish I had handled things different from the start."

Dave gripped her hand in order to stop her.

"No, please let me say this, okay?" She asked him.

Waiting for his nod, she went on:

"I never had a better time in my life than in all those months I was with you. That's kind of sad to say after an almost 25 year long marriage, but there was not a single moment in my relationship with Philip that I felt as comfortable as I did with you. And I was so afraid of our affair becoming public, of losing everything I had with you, that I didn't see what was right in front of me. Your loyalty and love for your team is remarkable, and I'm so sorry that I didn't realize it before, how important they are to you."

"Erin, I have already told you that it's not just about that. I'm fairly used to your being a total pain in out team's ass and making Aaron's life as miserable as possible," Dave replied.

"When you say it like that, it sounds even worse," she retorted.

He shot her a quick smile before continuing.

"All I'm saying is that the animosities between you and certain team members never kept me from wanting to be with you. You allowed me to get a look behind your Section Chief Strauss mask, and I really liked what I saw. When I was with you, I was able to be myself. There was no need to be David Rossi, bestselling author, or David Rossi, legendary profiler, I could just be Dave, a middle-aged man who happened to fall in love with a beautiful woman."

Erin lowered her head. She knew exactly what he was talking about. She'd had the same feelings when she was with him. Still, she'd gone and destroyed instead of treasuring it. And this was her very last chance to repair the damage.

"I'm truly sorry, David," she almost whispered.

"I know you are, Erin," he replied gently.

"So, is there a chance that we'll be able to get back what we had?" she inquired carefully. He had already told her that he was willing to sort everything out, but she needed to hear it again, just to be sure.

"We wouldn't be here if there wasn't, would we?"

There was a moment of silence between them as they looked into each other's eyes, reassuring themselves and each other that things were on the mend.

"But you have to learn to trust me, Erin," Dave said firmly. "I know it's hard for you after everything you've been through with Philip, believe me. I've been there, too. Three times."

She nodded.

"And yet, you're still willing to put your heart on the line. You never gave up believing in love."

His thumbs stroked slowly over the back of her hand as his eyes never left hers.

"Yes, because truthfully, what do you have left if you can't believe in that anymore? I'm enough of a realist to be careful with expecting a happily ever after, but that does not mean that I'm giving up on the concept of love in general. And I've held you in my arms enough times to know that you aren't either. You wouldn't be sitting here with me if you were."

"It might take a while for me to learn that, David," she told him quietly.

"That's fine with me. We can take it slow. Just don't play with me again, that's all I'm asking."

~.~.~

The rest of the evening went by in a much lighter mood for both of them, especially after Dave declared the night as their first official date.

"The first of many, I hope," he added with a wink.

Stopping the car in front of Erin's house shortly after midnight, he insisted on walking her to the door.

"I believe that's what you're supposed to do after a date, isn't it?"

She couldn't argue with his logic and truthfully, she didn't want to.

The happiness she felt after they had reconnected over dinner, was almost unbelievable. Less than 24 hours ago, she'd dreaded the day as the most horrible and lonely birthday in her life, but an unexpected turn of events had made sure it had been the complete opposite.

"I'd ask you in for a cup of coffee, but I have a feeling you're going to decline my offer," she said when they reached the door.

"You're right," he answered with a wide grin on his face. "I always end my first dates on the doorstep."

He let her unlock the door, before he pulled her close, his hands resting on her hips.

"This is where I ask for a second date. Say, tomorrow, around noon?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"You'll see then."

Erin didn't even try to hide the huge smile, her heart already on the verge of bursting with anticipation of what he had planned for the next day.

"Thank you again, David. For everything tonight, the concert, the dress, and-"

He silenced her with a finger against her lips.

"How many times have I told you tonight that it was my pleasure?" He brushed a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek with his warm hand.

Leaning down, he captured her lips in a tender goodnight kiss as he pulled her even closer into his embrace. Holding her against his body, her face buried in his neck as he stroked comforting hands up and down her back, he kept her like that for a few long moments.

With a last kiss into her hair, he released her, wiping the single tear that had escaped her eyes off of her cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night, Erin."

"Good night, David."

She watched as he walked back to his car, looking after him until the rear lights disappeared in the darkness, before she went inside and almost straight to bed.

And for the first time since their almost catastrophic fallout that had very nearly lost her everything, she was able to sleep through the night, looking forward to everything the next day and the future would hold for her and the man she loved.

_~Fin~_

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_**A/N: Many thanks to everyone who has been reading, reviewing, and favoriting this story and sticking with me through my extremely irregular updates! I truly appreciate each and every one of your comments and feedback! **_

_**Also, don't forget to cast your vote on the Profiler's Choice CM Awards! Check here for the details: www . fanfiction .net/topic/74868/33067839/1/ (remove spaces)  
**_


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